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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  June 15, 2012 1:05am-1:35am PDT

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idea. nobody did well. jpmorgan chase-- (laughter) >> and their fearless leader jameny diamon. >> jame me die upon seems to be the one guy you trust and believe in. >> jay me diamon the near collapse of the banking industry good for the jpmorgan chief burnishing his reputation as a superhero c.e.o.. >> we didn't make huge bets. >> jon: in the financial world, you don't normally hear praise like that unless it's donald trump talking about-- you know. (laughter) people don't expect so someone this handsome to be this smart and rich. (laughter) well, anyway, guess what happened last month. >> lawmakers are taking a closer look at jpmorgan's staggering losses and the shudder it sent through wall street. the largest bank first estimated it lost about $2 billion on risky investments. (laughter) >> jon: $2 billion on risky investments.
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we don't makes to bets thax is an absurd amount of money. there is nothing you can say that makes that look good. >> exexperts now say the losses could be closer to $7 billion. >> jon: okay, the $2 billion ising laing pretty good now. apologize. i was incorrect about the 2. what gives, jay me diamon, you were the banker. >> you were the one. who didn't make these big, risky bets. >> the portfolio has proven to be riskier, more volatile and less effective than economic hedge than we thought. >> jon: that is the best way to describe [bleep] i have ever heard. (laughter) >> jon: i didn't make a bet, it's a hedge. i didn't get wiped out and lose all my money, it's just that hard way is proven a more risky volatile-- volatile economic hedge than i thought. well, no surprise that diamon was called down to capitol hill to face the mighty senate banking
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committee. >> you're obviously renowned, likely so, i think, as being one of the most, you know, one of the best c.e.o.s in the country. >> you've got very big profits. you've got a lot of firepower. you're just huge. (laughter) >> jon: i don't mean to embarrass you but it's staggering. (laughter) is there a mrs. diamon or-- (laughter) but they didn't just haul jamie diamon in to tell him how nice and good he is and huge he is, they also brought him in there to talk about how terrible they, the senate, are. >> we can hardly sit in
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judgement of your losing $2 billion. we laws twice that every day here in washington. >> jon: does senator demint think that spending money is the same as losing money? (laughter) >> jon: you know, hi $10 million here yesterday but now all i see is this [bleep] highway. (laughter) i don't understand. (cheers and applause) >> jon: i don't understand where it's going. (applause) >> jon: where's my money. we're going have to dig this up and find my money. what is going on with this panel of senators? sucking up to jame me diamon like they were on the payroll. >> the biggest campaign donor to many of the banking committee is jpmorgan chase. >> jon: well, look, what kind of treatment does money like that get you. >> what should the function of the regulators be. >> what other areas of oversight would be the most effective for us. >> i would like to come away from the hearing today with some ideas on what you think
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we need to do. >> we're here quizzing you. if you were sitting on this side of the dias, what would you do to make our system safer than it is. >> jon: why don't you just put jayme-- jamie diamon in a chair like celo's from the voice and if he hears something he likes, boom, you just earned yourself another term in congress. >> the truth is the person hardest on jamie diamon was jamie-- jamie die upon. >> we lost some of our shareholders money, for that we feel terrible. >> when i made that statement i was dead wrong. >> we let a lot of people down and we are very sorry for did. >> under any name, whatever you call it i will not defend it, it violated common sense. >> i'm not asking, i'm telling with this, kick my ass. (laughter) (applause)
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>> jon: see, as bad as the banks and the bankers may have been, the one thing that the senators wanted to remind everyone is, government is worse. >> if dodd frank more than marginally made our banking system safer. >> i-- you know, we supported some element -- >> i know what you supported. has it made our financial system safer. i'm talking about the regulatory regime that congress put in place, has it made our system safer? >> i don't know. >> okay. one of your peers, not quite as well-known as you but very-- believes not. >> jon: so i'm going to ask you one more time, look at me as i ask you, did the sdod frank legislation make us safer? are you opposed to the dodd frank legislation.
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>> actually, bob corker does raise a pretty good point. the dodd frank legislation has not done enough to make our banking system safer. of course t might have done bet ferr it was a little bit more stringent but apparently one senator bob corker voted against provisions like banning naked credit default swaps keeping banks from getting too big to fail and opposed reinstating the glass stegall rules from kept banks from gambling with the money depositors had in the first place and then there is there is this. >> senator corker says he plans o to pose the plan. >> jon: it must be nice to be a republican senator because you get the fun ofbreak brack shall breaking [bleep] and the joy of complaining that the [bleep] you just broke doesn't work. we'll be right back.
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. >> jon: welcome back to the show. they say two heads are better than one. but they often say very stupid things. especially when they are talking about two headed fish a neering idaho's rivers. that is just wrong. aasif mandvi has more. >> idaho, some to some of america's most beautiful rivers. but according to conservationist marv hoyt there is a dark secret lurking in these waters. >> the fish are suffering massive deformities, deformities you just don't see in nature.
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>> like what? >> two heads. >> two heads? >> yes. >> oh that's a fish. >> yeah. >> those are heads. >> yes. >> ew. okay, put that away. put that away. what is causing that? >> well, that was selenium in the water. (applause) and what is selenium. >> it turns out selenium is a toxic byproduct of phosphate mining, and in southeast idaho, one company loves mining phosphate. >> the company that operates the smoky canyon mines. >> have you shown simplot these mute ant fish pictures? >> those pictures came from simplot's own reports that they commissioned in order to get around the current selenium standards. >> you see, with six of simplot's six idahos to mate-- phosphate mines cited
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for grossly exceeding federal selenium limits simplot 250k action and issued a report saying the federal limits needed to be higher. i went to simplot to talk it over with a company spokesman. >> you can tell me about this exciting two headed fish that you guys are developing? >> we really would appreciate it if you leave the premises. thank you very much. >> are you-- who are you calling? >>. >> hi, this is david at the simplot headquarters. we have some pesky reporters here who won't leave and i would appreciate it if you would send an officer to escort them out. >> sure, simplot can bully me but wait until the epa gets their hands on the report. >> all of the federal and state regulatory agencies reviewed the report. >> wait, wait, wait, wait. you are saying the epa saw this report. >> uh-huh. >> i bet they were pissed, right. >> no, they were not pissed. they failed to cause a fact that there were two headed fish deformities were in that report. >> that can't right. but in fact, the epa called the report outstanding.
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and they may even use it to address national selenium standards. when interview requests to the epa were ignored i headed to their offices to see how they could overlook a two headed fish. hi. i would like to talk to somebody about the spokey canyon mines. >> where are you from. >> i'm from a river up in -- >> no, no, what company are you from. >> i'm not with a company, i'm from a two headed fish. >> i called the police because i don't appreciate you way you are getting in our face. >> i can't really make an appointment. i'm a two headed fish. i live in a river. >> you're not a fish. you are a person. >> why would the epa call homeland security. i needed answersment but everywhere i went no one would talk. what is this? simplot run this whole state. literally every single place i went in idaho there was simplot. so i looked them up. and they're one of the largest privately held agribusiness companies in the world. the government of idaho worked for simplot for 30
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years and married jr simplot's daughter idaho congressman mike simpson chairs the subcommittee that sets the epa's budget. what the [bleep]? is this an actual conspiracy? >> it certainly a conspiracy of silence. >> this is really dangerous. >> yeah. >> what do you mean, yeah. >> well, i've received threatening phone calls from people who have suggested that i don't work on this issue or come back to caribou county, idaho again. >> okay. are you [bleep] kidding me? look, next time a fake reporter comes to ask you to do an interview about simplot, you should lead with the stuff about the threats. >> if they were threatening this nobody, what the hell were they going do to television's aasif mandvi, there was only one person who could help, erin broke o very much. >> i have uncovered a real corporate conspiracy. what the [bleep] do i do. >> you have to expose it, man.
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you found out that information, you have to expose that information. blow the whistle. >> i don't want to blow the whistlement i want to bury the whistle. >> stop being a pussy. it's your responsibility to go out there and make it right. >> erin brockovich had given me good advice. i had to make things right. >> sim does plot, a true american success story. and a company that is definitely not polluting idaho. what do you think about sim does plot. >> not very much. >> okay, you love them. you love them, love them, love them. >> you can look in that camera and say thank you simplot. >> no, i won't. >> just says that, look in the came rance [bleep] guys. >> well, you heard it hear, folks, fisherman in idaho love simplot. there's nothing wrong with simplot and there's nothing wrong with this water. here we go. we're all good now, simplot.
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>> and there is no way water this clean could cause a two-headed fish. >> i just want to go home! >> oh, just a dream. just a dream. hey, you look better on tv. aaahh! simplot! (cheers and applause) new taurus is going to blow people away...
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starting with the guys who built it. this taurus is pretty serious. i can't believe they're actually going to let me drive it. all right, it's got what? 360 horsepower. 365 horsepower. let's see what that feels like. so this is 365 horsepower.
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all while delivering really great fuel economy. so we're getting great fuel economy? cuz that's what i'm thinking about right now.
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(cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome back, my guest tonight academy award-winning actress. >> you're a real tough cookie with a long historinote ♪ for breaking little hearts ♪ ♪ like you wanted me ♪ that's okay ♪ let's see how do you it ♪ put up your dukes ♪ let's get down to it ♪ hit me with your best shot ♪ ♪ why don't you hit me with your best shot ♪ ♪ hit me with your best shot ♪ ♪ fire away ♪. >> jon: i love that decade.
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catherine zeta-jones. hello! >> hi there good evening. (cheers and applause) >> jon: . >> i'm so excited to be on your show. >> jon: we're delighted to have you on this program. >> i'm a big fan, my first time. >> jon: delighted. you are the throwback, the triple threat, the singing, the dancing, that's you right, that is you singing. >> yeah, that's me. (cheers and applause) >> jon: that's the singing, that's the dancing, the whole business. >> well, yeah. interesting to sing that pat ben a tar song. my character is really tight assed, tightly coiled up so there i am in that suit in a church singing that song am but i must say, after chicago, a whole bunch of offers came for another musical. and i went to broadway and then this one came up and it just looked like a lot of fun.
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all of us with a little tongue-in-cheek. >> jon: it looks like-- you're having a ball. >> it was fun to shoot. and it's fun to watch. it's fun for me to sit in the audience and watch tom cruise being a rocker and having fun. and alec baldwin and russell brand. >> jon: that guy cruise, i don't know that there is anything he can't do performancewise, like he transforms in so many different ways. he's one of those guys. >> he's solid, he's soiled. he throws himself into a role, whatever it is, and is this one, he was ripped, man. >> jon: he was. and he's 80 now. >> he is 100 and-- like 104 or something. >> jon: exactly. >> he's ripped. >> jon: and he's still out there doing it. >> i know, i'm loving it. he threw himself in. >> jon: let me ask you this. the difference between-- so a stage performer who understands those types of musicals in the theatre, you're feeding off the audience. for this type of performance, though, you have teamsters like hey, nice dance. like what is-- what is the
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energy that you are feeding on that you are taking in. how does that operate. >> it is a completely different thing. it is a completely different process because you know, there's nothing like applause. you know, when are you in theatre, if you can get nice nights you feel the audience, and you go belt out a song or number. when are you doing it in a studio situation, you do look for the grips to go great job, cat, like anybody give me a smile or a clap, i mean it is 2:00 in the morning and i'm still doing, hit me with your best shot ♪ ♪ so you don't get that adrenaline rush that you get in theatre. but you know, you have a day on cell you lied-- cell you lloyd for the rest of your life. i started in muts call theatre when i was 9 years old in britain. >> jon: at 9. >> yes, i --. >> jon: when did you know, at what point did you recognize that your ability as a performer exceeded the other nine-year-olds who at that time i am assuming were still dealing with obviously
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its cooties outbreak of 1982, but that is a-- did you recognize it, did other people recognize it, where did it come from. >> i can never remember not wanting to perform and be on stage. i hadn't even thought about tv because i did tv in britain before i came to states to do film that hadn't crossed my mind. but it was being on the stage. and it wasn't even to be famous. it was just, i don't know, people ask me if my mother was like the stage mom, those horrifying mothers you see on that tv show, stage mom. and thank god she wasn't. and it was, them trying to stop me if anything. i left school at 15 and my teacher, my head master in my school told my parents i was never going to be a brain surgeon. >> jon: oh, the lady school for brain surgery you went to. >> yeah. i am never said i wanted to be a brain surgeon but thanks a lot for insulting my intelligence. i'll go and be a show girl. >> jon: i find that a lot of times in education, i was told in high school, they didn't even set the bar to
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brain surgery. there thing was i think you're going to have trouble holding down a job. (laughter) >> but there's always-- but don't you find that that is fuel, that there is a certain amount of that negativity, that can drive you forward. >> yeah, and being in the equivalent of a small town girl, going to london was a big thing for me and trying to make it. and it was a dream come true. and then television and you know, movies came up. i've-- and i had never done anything else. >> jon: now look at you. >> i'm on your show. >> jon: the pinnacle, really, it's very exciting. so here's the thing that is amazing. so like you're in this, you are married to michael douglas, your father is circumstance doug labs, everybody has in law problems but dude, you're up against spartcus wa, do you do. >> i don't know. it's really hard to have my father-in-law be in sparta cuss. pga being michael growing up, having your father as sparta
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cuss. who is your dad, sparta cuss. >> jon: why can't i stay up hate. >> because mi spartacus. >> jon: wonderful to see you, con lat-- congratulations on the show. rock of ages in the theatre tomorrow.
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my name is jon moeller. i'm from texas a&m university. i'm using my laptop to help create a touchscreen out of thin air. my name is meredith perry. i'm working on a way to charge devices wirelessly we're using our laptops to defy gravity. i'm julia... ...and i'm jessica. and we're using our laptops to turn soccer balls... ...into a power source. when the technology's right, anything can happen. vo: trade in your old electronics for a best buy gift card... and trade up to a new ultrabook.
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>> that's our show, join us next week at 11:00, here it is, your moment of zen. >> is it a friendship, are you best buds? >> i say we're family, gene
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lives about five minutes from